Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful can be a profoundly painful and challenging experience for any marriage. You may have already engaged in emotional discussions or even arguments with your partner regarding their infidelity, and you might now be contemplating your next steps. Alternatively, you may be hesitant to confront them about it. In either case, carefully thinking through your options when your spouse cheats is important.
1. Get a full grasp of the situation.
For some people, cheating is cheating cut and dry, and the outcome is the same no matter what. However, for others, you might want to see the nuance involved. Was it a one-night mistake on their part? Is there any indication that there was a pattern of behavior? What other betrayals of trust may have been wrapped up in it? Some people might be able to forgive a drunken fling, for instance, but an ongoing affair can be a much more difficult thing to get over.
2. Going for a trial separation
Often, cheating is more than a simple fall into temptation. It can be a symptom and result in deeper issues within the marriage. You should not let this mean that you are to be blamed for your spouse’s infidelity by any means, as there are any number of options to work out such issues other than cheating. But you might want to consider a trial separation before making any permanent decisions, which can give the both of you space to work those problems out.
3. Cutting and running
Whether your mind was made up to leave a cheating spouse immediately, or you have come to that conclusion after soul-searching, it’s important to take the time to consider that you do it the right way. The divorce laws on adultery can help you gain the advantage if you’re able to prove that infidelity happened. However, you should talk with a lawyer, first of all, to decide what your strategy is before you make any declarations. You might be able to lay the groundwork for an open-and-shut case that sees you safely extricated from the marriage while considering your financial and familial needs if any children are involved.
4. Considering working it out
If you’re not going to break up with your partner, then you might want to consider what you should do to help work on your marriage. Some degree of commitment will have to be demonstrated as they attempt to build trust again, and counseling can greatly help with this. However, both partners must recognize and address the problem and be willing to get to the root of it.
There is no right or wrong answer on how to handle infidelity. The particulars of the case matter, as do both partners’ levels of ongoing commitment and, most importantly, your feelings. It’s a painful and complex situation, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t immediately know what to do about it.